Back in Shanghai

I'm back in Shanghai after nearly a month away. I've spent the last couple of days re-acclimating to my life here in China. My trip to the US already seems like a dream - a wonderful dream.

It had been a year & a half since I had left the US, & I was a little nervous about all that reverse culture shock that I kept hearing about. I wondered how things had changed at home - how I had changed since I had been gone.

Turns out things were just as I left them. Sure, some things changed - there was a Lowes where the car dealership used to be, & one of my favorite vegan restaurants had closed down - but nothing was drastically different. It felt as if I had never left - like I had simply imagined the time in between.

Even though I was so happy to see my friends & family again, I didn't feel a sense of longing to return home. It was enough to visit home for a month, to recharge & reset. But in the end, I still feel the wanderlust that drove me to leave it all behind in the first place - which has got me thinking even more now about leaving Shanghai.

Don't get me wrong - Shanghai is a great place to live. I've said it countless times - it's really easy to live here, comfortable. But that's not what I want. I don't want to settle down in Shanghai - or anywhere else for that matter - at least not now. & I feel like I know enough about Shanghai, & it's time to move on. It won't be for at least a few more months, but I've got my sights on yonder shores. I guess I'm not done traveling just yet.

Culture Shock

I always considered myself to be immune to culture shock. I've traveled the world & had many different experiences. Nothing can surprise me. I'm accepting of other points of view, & even curious to learn about how other people do things. I consider living in Vietnam to be an opportunity to learn about the customs here, as well as learn about myself.

But then I read this article, & realized that I have probably been suffering from culture shock for the last three months. The article lists five stages that a person goes through when moving to another country:

1. The honeymoon, or tourist, stage
2. The irritation-to-anger stage
3. The rejection/acceptance stage
4. The integration/assimilation stage
5. The reverse, or reentry, stage

Stage 1 began for me several years ago, when I started dreaming of traveling the world, & still continues now. I want to be a tourist! I want to discover new & exciting things. I want to see as much as I can while I'm on this side of the globe, & I want to take lots & lots of photos.

But Stage 2 has manifested in my irritation at isolation. I can't speak Vietnamese (though I've been trying to learn), & very few people speak English where I live. Also, it's been difficult for me to make friends here, partly because of the language barrier, but also because I don't know how to make friends in Vietnam - I'm not fluent in the culture. Feeling isolated linguistically & socially has made me frustrated: Vietnam is not what I wanted it to be.

I may now be starting Stage 3. I'm starting to accept that I'm an outsider here, & that I always will be. People see me more as a curiosity than as a potential friend. At best, I'm a resource they can use to learn English. As a result, I've been putting less effort into trying to make social connections with people, & putting more effort into being okay with being alone.

Will I make it to Stage 4, the assimilation phase? Only time will tell. But what really scares me now is Stage 5: going home.

The Hassel of the Haggle

Traveling on the tourist track requires you to deal with haggling, a national pastime in most countries.

I'm not good at bargaining at all. In the United States, everyone pays the same price, which is clearly posted or marked on the product. But in other countries, haggling is a kind of sport. People absolutely love it. They especially enjoy engaging foreigners in a game of bartering because they know they are much more skilled than us.

After several days of getting taken by every shop owner & taxi driver in Bangkok, I was annoyed & even exasperated. I just wanted to pay the going price without having to negotiate it. I'm definitely not a worthy sparring partner. I know I will lose the game every time.

Letting Go of Control

I've been learning a bit about letting go of control here in Vietnam. The language barrier makes it difficult to express myself, so I can do little but allow things to happen as they may. On top of that, the Vietnamese seem to be very concerned about making things right, whatever they think that is.

The landlords have keys to our house & enter often to rearrange furniture, clean up, & bring us food. The other day, the landlady, Nam, brought us a cooler of ice & wanted me to put my fruit inside. I don't really like cold fruit, preferring to eat it at room temperature. But she wouldn't let me leave it on the counter, so I put it in the cooler. It was more important to make her feel like she was helping me than to refuse her efforts.

Yesterday Nam took me to the beauty salon. I had made a comment (really just a gesture & a smile) on her own decorated nails, & she was nice enough to take me to get my own nails done. The salon was not as bright & clean as you would find in the US, but it worked.

I decided to ask for a pedicure. My toenails soaked in tuperwares of water as I relaxed in a plastic patio chair.

I only wanted them to paint my nails blue (in honor of Sharon S!)...

...but they had a better idea. I decided to let them do whatever they wanted rather than try to stop them.

So now I have Vietnamese toenails!

Nails Nails Nails

I'm in Tennessee right now, visiting my parents before I head off to the other side of the globe. My mother had a nail appointment yesterday with her Vietnamese technician (surprise). I decided to tag along to see if I could get some more information on living in Vietnam. One of the employees sat with me the whole time my mom was getting her nails done & told me all kinds of useful things about life in Vietnam.